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"True love", I don't know what that means. Attraction, commonality, similar tastes and personalities, these sometimes help people learn to love one another, but "true love" in my mind develops over time with work and care on both from both parties.
I don't mind working for it. I remember asking my mother-in-law a question once. It had to do with making a decision to say your child or you husband. I only asked this because it was on a show or something that I watched, I never actually expected the answer that I got. She said that she would save her husband, because you only find true love once. I don't know, I guess I don't think exactly like her. I would have chosen my children over her son, but then again he obviously wasn't my true love.
I can't imagine anyone saving there spouse over their child. I'm not dissing spouses, but a child is something completely different, and as a parent it's impossible not to want to see them safe and nurtured.
I agree with what Rgmb says. Love is a process. To me the important thing is to find someone half-way compatable, pick them, then develop that relationship for the rest of your life. It's constantly evolving, and requires attention and work, but is more incredibly rewarding.
When I hear the term "true love", I think of a chemical process that wears off rather quickly and doesn't have the potential to last for very long.
I know my feelings about it is that the adult has a better chance of saving themselves than the child does. Also the adult has lived much more of their life than the child. Her response totally caught me offguard, I never expected what I got.
I'm totally confused about the whole "love" thing. I really want to have someone special, but it seems that I make ways to always be single.
Okay, here is my story, anyone that wants to analyze it give it a try. I can't figure me out, maybe someone else can.
During my marriage, my ex-husband wrote love letters to his girlfriend before me. I don't believe that they ever had an affair, since they lived in completely different states, but I know that he always loved her more than me. One letter read, "you are the most beautiful, intelligent, caring woman that I know, I am in awe of you." My husband wrote that to another woman. I think it would have been easier for me to understand that he just had a one night stand or something like that, but to know that your husband felt something for someone that was more than physical, that is hard.
Okay, now let me say here that this did not end our marriage. This went on throughout the 10 years that I was married, Maybe every couple of years one would be found, never sent, somewhere that I would find it. Like under the mattress, who does thinks makes the bed? I also know from past phone bills that the very day that I left for Desert Storm, he call her, and this was in my first year of marriage.
Now let me tell you about now. I find it very hard to believe that I am really important to a man. Which makes me quick to end any relationship that I may have. Once I get a feeling that he doesn't really care for me, I either walk away, or confront it with him and make him tell me. Either way I always end up single. Most guys think I'm great, but I guess I can't deal with she a great girl, maybe one day I'll grow to love her. I don't want another someone that has somebody in the back of their mind that they really loved and just settled for me.
Oh my ex-husband eventually married that woman. They didn't get together until a few years after us, but eventually they did. It is probably a good thing because they are a better match than we were. I doesn't bother me that they are together. My issue is that with the man I married I was never number one. It isn't about him, it is about my choice, I married a man that didn't love me enough, I don't want to make that mistake again.
You probably think I'm some crazy chick. I NEVER think that the guy I am with is cheating. It never comes to mind. I don't consider myself to be a jealous person. I don't require tons of attention, but I do have to feel that the attention that I get is genuine, if not then it's over. I have remained friends with all of my ex-boyfriends, so they don't think I'm a crazy woman.
So to put an end to this depressing story I should say that maybe all of this isn't really an issue, maybe it is as simple as me just not finding the right one yet.
I don't think there is "a right one" for you. I think there are "100's of right ones" for you. Well, I don't really know the number, but there isn't just one.
First of all, and this probabably sounds trite, you need to be happy with who you are, with or without a man.
I think sometimes the element of choice in marriage is a big negative. There are many cultures where arranged marriages are the norm, and they find a way to make those marriages work. They have no other choice.
A husband has no business writing love letters to another woman. A man like that shouldn't be married, period. It doesn't sounds like he had what it took to commit to a marriage.
The fact is that we live in a society that is commitment-phobic. Even when people do choose to get married, in many cases they look at it as something they can change their minds about later.
However, if 2 people go into the thing, and both can commit to making it work, then it will. Plain and simple. But definitely work.
Well let me admit, that I was not perfect in my marriage either. If you have been reading along long enough to rgmb's blog then you would know.
As far as myself, I think that I am an awesome person, with a lot to offer. I think many others would agree with that also, but I just can't seem to believe it when I am with someone. I don't really know how to explain how I feel.
Here is my entry for 52 Figments #3.
7 comments:
"True love", I don't know what that means. Attraction, commonality, similar tastes and personalities, these sometimes help people learn to love one another, but "true love" in my mind develops over time with work and care on both from both parties.
I don't mind working for it. I remember asking my mother-in-law a question once. It had to do with making a decision to say your child or you husband. I only asked this because it was on a show or something that I watched, I never actually expected the answer that I got. She said that she would save her husband, because you only find true love once. I don't know, I guess I don't think exactly like her. I would have chosen my children over her son, but then again he obviously wasn't my true love.
oops, that is save not say your child. I am horrible with my type-o's.
I can't imagine anyone saving there spouse over their child. I'm not dissing spouses, but a child is something completely different, and as a parent it's impossible not to want to see them safe and nurtured.
I agree with what Rgmb says. Love is a process. To me the important thing is to find someone half-way compatable, pick them, then develop that relationship for the rest of your life. It's constantly evolving, and requires attention and work, but is more incredibly rewarding.
When I hear the term "true love", I think of a chemical process that wears off rather quickly and doesn't have the potential to last for very long.
I know my feelings about it is that the adult has a better chance of saving themselves than the child does. Also the adult has lived much more of their life than the child. Her response totally caught me offguard, I never expected what I got.
I'm totally confused about the whole "love" thing. I really want to have someone special, but it seems that I make ways to always be single.
Okay, here is my story, anyone that wants to analyze it give it a try. I can't figure me out, maybe someone else can.
During my marriage, my ex-husband wrote love letters to his girlfriend before me. I don't believe that they ever had an affair, since they lived in completely different states, but I know that he always loved her more than me. One letter read, "you are the most beautiful, intelligent, caring woman that I know, I am in awe of you." My husband wrote that to another woman. I think it would have been easier for me to understand that he just had a one night stand or something like that, but to know that your husband felt something for someone that was more than physical, that is hard.
Okay, now let me say here that this did not end our marriage. This went on throughout the 10 years that I was married, Maybe every couple of years one would be found, never sent, somewhere that I would find it. Like under the mattress, who does thinks makes the bed? I also know from past phone bills that the very day that I left for Desert Storm, he call her, and this was in my first year of marriage.
Now let me tell you about now. I find it very hard to believe that I am really important to a man. Which makes me quick to end any relationship that I may have. Once I get a feeling that he doesn't really care for me, I either walk away, or confront it with him and make him tell me. Either way I always end up single. Most guys think I'm great, but I guess I can't deal with she a great girl, maybe one day I'll grow to love her. I don't want another someone that has somebody in the back of their mind that they really loved and just settled for me.
Oh my ex-husband eventually married that woman. They didn't get together until a few years after us, but eventually they did. It is probably a good thing because they are a better match than we were. I doesn't bother me that they are together. My issue is that with the man I married I was never number one. It isn't about him, it is about my choice, I married a man that didn't love me enough, I don't want to make that mistake again.
You probably think I'm some crazy chick. I NEVER think that the guy I am with is cheating. It never comes to mind. I don't consider myself to be a jealous person. I don't require tons of attention, but I do have to feel that the attention that I get is genuine, if not then it's over. I have remained friends with all of my ex-boyfriends, so they don't think I'm a crazy woman.
So to put an end to this depressing story I should say that maybe all of this isn't really an issue, maybe it is as simple as me just not finding the right one yet.
I don't think there is "a right one" for you. I think there are "100's of right ones" for you. Well, I don't really know the number, but there isn't just one.
First of all, and this probabably sounds trite, you need to be happy with who you are, with or without a man.
I think sometimes the element of choice in marriage is a big negative. There are many cultures where arranged marriages are the norm, and they find a way to make those marriages work. They have no other choice.
A husband has no business writing love letters to another woman. A man like that shouldn't be married, period. It doesn't sounds like he had what it took to commit to a marriage.
The fact is that we live in a society that is commitment-phobic. Even when people do choose to get married, in many cases they look at it as something they can change their minds about later.
However, if 2 people go into the thing, and both can commit to making it work, then it will. Plain and simple. But definitely work.
Well let me admit, that I was not perfect in my marriage either. If you have been reading along long enough to rgmb's blog then you would know.
As far as myself, I think that I am an awesome person, with a lot to offer. I think many others would agree with that also, but I just can't seem to believe it when I am with someone. I don't really know how to explain how I feel.
It all confuses the hell out of me.
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